we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Farmville is her only friend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
