I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I didn't notice because vodka
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
