I wish I could teleport
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My liver just had a heart attack.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
