Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
