So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
