but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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