New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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