i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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