I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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