He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
