Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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