I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
