I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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