Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
