I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
