you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
