If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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