White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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