The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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