i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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