Only a mothe r could love this liver
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
