you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
