You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
