yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
