Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
