i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
