apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
