my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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