There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
