There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
