I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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