woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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