oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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