so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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