This is not my ceiling
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
