when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
