I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
