He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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