i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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