it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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