One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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