it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I need to stop coming to work sober
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
