so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
