So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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