Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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