You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
