Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
