Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
