I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
