I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
