I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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