They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
