im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
