he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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