Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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