Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
