I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
