You're my little dorito
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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