Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
