Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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