i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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