I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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