weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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