Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
