Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
